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Healing through Feeling- Break down for a breakthrough

Healing through feeling is a known concept. What you feel without resisting ends up healing you. I have not been blogging for a while as I was busy creating my Youtube videos and trying hard to enjoy homeschooling. For the last couple of weeks, I have been feeling like I am failing. So to run away from that niggling feeling I focussed on changing up my workout routine. I started working out harder and longer until one day I started sobbing during an upper-body workout.

I was tired of constantly trying hard to live up to the ideal that society has created for me. I was tired of the ideal I created for myself. More than my body my soul was tired. What would I come here and share with my readers? I was telling you about Florence Scovel Shinn and self-growth tips and still, I am going through a breakdown. For a few days I have been having random bouts of tears and I surrendered to it. I let all the emotions flow through me. I knew I was releasing a lot. The more I let it surface up the more ease I felt. I released my resistance and let go of my need to make sense of what was happening to me. I did not distract myself to be high vibe.

Now I have a realization that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. Human experiences are not always pretty. The more I let these thoughts and feelings come up the more evident my dark side was. I sat on my bed with my journal and cried through my feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and failure.

The journal entry read like this” I don’t need Eckhart Tolle now. I need me to hold space for myself now”

There were no questions in my mind if these were my feelings or was I tapping into collective consciousness or is this an astrological transit affecting me. I just sat there with reverence and compassion for humanity.

This is real life and in real life, most of us experience these feelings of doubt, fear, loneliness, and more. The almost stoicism fan in me was ashamed of my raw and messy emotions. The spirituality student in me judged my jealousy, anger, and shallow needs. The starving artist in me labeled my goals as surface leveled. The practical MBA graduate in me wrinkled her nose at my petty excuses. Another eye-opener for me that we are all multi-dimensional and multi-layered beings.

Is it spiritual beings having a human experience? Is it human beings having a spiritual experience? I do not know.

Forget about pleasing the entire world sometimes pleasing every aspect of ourselves is difficult. Some of us are illogical beings with well-thought-out logical plans. Some of us point fingers at others claiming that they are hypocrites while every cell in our being is laced with hypocrisy. There is light and dark in each of us. What are you judging? What are you projecting?

I am typing this up at 10.30 pm with a warm cup of Rooibos tea. I am doing much better and I feel excited for the upcoming new moon and new year. Guess it was not a breakdown but, more of a breakthrough. This time my plan is to redefine success and happiness for me. I hope you do the same for yourself, my reader. Let no one tell us what success and happiness should look like. Also when we progress in life our consciousness expands and we see the same thing differently. It is okay to read that old favorite book of yours and have completely new takeaways from it. It is normal to rewatch that old movie and stop resonating with your favorite character.

We grow, we evolve and we change. Every season of our life will require us to embody a different version of ourselves. In every new phase of our life, we will require to re-invent ourselves. This is the beauty of life. I learned to be more fluid. I intend to be more open to new experiences in the coming year. I hope all your blessings will be multiplied 10 folds and we all can grow, love, and live.

Journaling prompts:

  1. What are you leaving behind this year?
  2. What are your intentions for this new year?
  3. What embodiments are required of you in the next chapter of your life?

Stay blessed!

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