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Losing my mind

Shaurya is a full on toddler now. He says no to everything and spits food. He hates his stroller and bed time is more like a war. I guess I should have enjoyed his infant times a little more. In this process of keeping him safe and myself sane I lost track of Soumya (myself ).

Well, few days back we celebrated completed 7 years of marriage and hubby ensured to spoil me with these goodies.

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You must think I happily accepted and we had a romantic time. Well..

I accepted gratefully and sort of gracefully. Then my mind went unwise and I asked why was he spending so much money and I don’t have time for myself and we need to start saving. Result?  An annoyed hubby and a little squabble. Later when we decided to sit together and have our lunch that I served a while back, Shaurya managed to drop the entire plates filled with food on the floor. Yes, he has grown tall and we need to do the next stage of baby proofing or rather toddler proofing. (but we did that like last month right?? Ahh )

We had no lunch, hubby went back to work and Shaurya somersaulted from the bed and landed on the floor with a couple of bruises and a bleeding abrasion. Evening candle light dinner moment turned into a doctor’s visit. I cried a lot. I felt like a bad wife and a bad mom. Some days, I just cannot gather myself together. Is it difficult because I have not had a good night’s sleep since my 6th month of pregnancy ? Is it because I am yet to be matured at the age 28? Or is it the same with all mommies?

I carried my howling toddler on my shoulders from the doctor’s clinic to the footpath and kept telling him” it’s OK baby” while he kept hitting on my face and kicking on my lower body. From afar I kept staring at my hubby doing payments and buying medicines. I had tears running down my cheeks because I missed him. I missed watching sunsets with him. I missed our long chats and oodles of giggling. Years back, I was that nerd with huge spectacles holding books 24/7 and he was the hunk with a sports car and lots of girls wanting him. He had it all. Still he chose me.

 And today?

Does he still love me? Is motherhood making the wife in me take a back seat?

I am losing my mind.

While we settle back in the car and switch on the radio the noise on my mind is washed out by the song. I stare at the dark sky and not so visible stars and mislay myself in the music. I love this song and it goes like this,

I’ll be your dream
I’ll be your wish I’ll be your fantasy
I’ll be your hope I’ll be your love
Be everything that you need
I’ll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do
I will be strong I will be faithful
’cause I’m counting on
A new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning, yeah 

Yes, Savage Garden Truly Madly Deeply it is. I looked at my hubby and softly said “happy anniversary”. He smiled and told me “Thank you for being in my life!”

I was falling in love with him yet again. Breezy night, light traffic, romantic music and Shaurya sleeping in his car seat. The drive back home was calm and dreamy.

I am losing my mind and heart and this time I am losing it to my hubby who saw my love and dedication and not my failures and imperfections!

The music is making me dizzy in love..

I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me…








  1. Ameera Ameera

    Ah Soumya! That was such a beautiful post! Especially the end, so heart-warming 🙂
    I can so relate to the arguements and frustrations add to that the toddler tantrums. We will also be completing 7 years of marriage and I would like to call all the fights the “seven year itch”.
    You’re not alone 🙂

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

      Thank you for telling me you have experienced the “7 year itch” ahh..

  2. Midhun Dinesan Midhun Dinesan

    The boy friend in me still loves the girlfriend in you…
    The husband in me loves the wife in you…
    The father in me loves the mother in you…
    Nothing has changed, I love you even more…
    The only change is that I miss you a lot more…

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun


  3. Beautiful post Soumya :’) <3

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

      Thank you Swathi 🙂

  4. this was such a sweet post.. I am sure it must be difficult with child..You feel lost sometimes..Though I am not married, nor have a kid , neither did I have a bf anytime so I don’t know how it feels when someone says I am glad to have you in my life..But i would love to experience it 😀 I love the song btw

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

      Trust me Purva the wait is gonna be worth it 🙂

  5. That was so wonderful Saumya 🙂 Its just heartwarming to read this.

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

      Hi Astha glad you enjoyed reading 🙂

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

      Thanks Anu 🙂

  6. I can relate to your each sentence Soumya because I have a 1.5 yr nephew at my house and my sister in law is going crazy. She has not slept sufficiently since her 4th month pregnancy. She is sometimes so depressed, sometimes she feels lost while sometimes she misses her old days. I can see her and realize very well now that raising a kid is a very challenging task. You are not alone in this as every woman struggles in this phase. Her body is not in shape like earlier, She doesn’t have the alone time as earlier and moreover the kid gives new challenges every single day. But believe me you are doing a fabulous job here and you look stunning. I don’t know how you were earlier but when I see your videos or read your blogs I see an amazing and gorgeous woman. All the best and always smile. This phase comes in every one’s life so just don’t give up. I guess i wrote too much here :P:P I can be preachy sometimes.

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

      Loved every line you wrote Megha. You are supportive and positive not preachy dear 🙂 Give a pat on your sis in law’s back and appreciate her efforts.. always helps!

      • Yeah I take her to shopping quite frequently where we eat gol gappas and ice creams and what not. It is a great stress buster :P:P

        • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

          Omg you are a gem for doing that Megha!! come to Dubai we will do some mall hoping 🙂

  7. Reshma Reshma

    Awwww… You are not alone 🙂 we all r going through the same situation except my son is yet to be a toddler eeeee 🙂 but loosing my mind always 😀 …amazing post 🙂

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

      Thank you Reshma 🙂

  8. Even my son drops the entire plates filled with food on the floor and I cry like anything. It’s same with all mommies and I too tell my husband that we need to start saving…. Great post 🙂

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

      I feel happy I am not alone. Thank you for your honesty Sonali 🙂

  9. This is the sweetest post ever! I can totally relate to everything in this post! The very same thoughts I have most of the days! But let me assure you something you are such an amazing mommy, truly! You are my inspiration😘 And your hubby without any doubt, clarifies that you are the ‘bestest’ wife😚 Maybe after me😝 But seriously this made my day! Keep such posts coming😊

    PS I loved your hubbys comment the most! Masha Allah a couple made in heaven😊

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

      U r the sweetest friend ever Husna 🙂 and yes darling you are the bestestestt wife lols and yes hubbyz comment made my week hehe

  10. It’s an everyday scene at our home too..The two guys in my life make me cry and happy at the same time..lots of arguing lots of crying lots of Tantrums everyday is exhausting and I too miss those old romantic days..but then the immense amount of motherhood joys these little creatures bring in our lives compensate..and I guess it’s in these tough times we start loving each other more as couples because we do not need any gifts or romantic dinners anymore to assure our love for each other…

    In spite of all the arguments as a couple..We still find solace in each other..

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

      Hi Bilna I absolutely agree 🙂

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun


    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

      Thank you Neha 🙂

  11. This post is priceless. Where can I find out more?

    • Soumya Midhun Soumya Midhun

      Thank you Anu 🙂

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