It was that kind of day when chatting with my Amma (Mom) made me furious. She was telling me how I should ensure that my hubby gets enough sleep at night as he works 8 to 9 hours a day. She said,”You don’t need that much of sleep as you are always at home with little one but, you should ensure that those nights when little one is cranky, your hubby gets good sleep as poor guy works long hours.”
Last night, while I was chatting with my friend who is a new mom she rubbed this statement on my face, “Oh come on my life is harder than yours as I am a working mom”. She added, “Stay at home moms have it all easy. You don’t work”
Well I work 24 hours a day as my little boy still grunts for night feeds and there is always something to ruin our regular schedule. At times it is a flu. Then, it is teething. Later on, it is an upset tummy owing to him licking everything around him. After that, it is next stage of teething again. Then of course comes the dreaded sleep regression stage. And which mom can forget the wonder weeks? I have not slept, eaten or showered without being intruded by my little boy’s cry.
But, hey, I don’t step out of the house dressed up and go to an office. So that means I don’t need enough sleep, food or even proper shower? It means I should not complain like the others who work in the corporate world? Good logic society!!
Don’t get me wrong. I do not want to complain. I started working at the age of 18 and did Bachelors followed by Masters while having a 9 to 6 job (like a million others out there). I was once a part of this forever busy corporate world and it was my decision to take a break so that I can be there for my little bundle of joy. I am blessed that I have not missed any of his milestones.
We sleep together, play together, eat together and go out together. I am grateful to God that my little boy does not have to be woken up early in the morning so that mommy can drop him to daycare and go for work. He gets his mom’s hug not at the end of the day but, every time he wants it. Motherhood for me is the biggest blessing ever. I never knew I could love someone so much. But, that being said, I struggled with postnatal depression, low milk flow and no help during the initial months of motherhood. I felt lonely and cried half of the day. Even today, I have days when I feel that my little son deserves a better mom. There is so much of emotions involved when you are a stay at home mom.
The point of this post is not to do an angry outburst but, to ask people to stop judging and coming up with statements. After being a mom, I realized how much people around you judge you. And how much they belittle you. My Mom who herself is a stay at home mom, thinks low of herself. Just because she does not earn she feels as if she has no value. How much ever I try to make her realize that dad me n bro are nothing without her she still has no respect for her own sacrifices. Why? We live in a society where a working mom gets more respect than a stay at home mom. But, there are working moms who are judged as moms who don’t care enough for their children. Please dear society go away with your judgments. Let them live the way they want.
I remember my aunt M who gave up her career and dreams to bring up her little ones and today, her son (an engineer by profession ) told her, “Mom please stay out of my life. What do you understand anyways? You are always at home. You don’t understand the world.” I remember 11 years back when he told me how his mom was helping him with his 12th Grade Science projects. She was always there for her children. But today her value is Zero. Zilch. Nothing.