From the age of 5 or 6, I have been hearing conversations of this sort. Imagine what the thought that I am incomplete and there are a lot of things I need to do and become which would eventually complete me would do to the mind of a little girl.
Growing up I was told that though I am their daughter I do not belong to my family. I would be married and sent away, my surname would change and I will have to adapt to a new life. But, even marriage would not complete me. Motherhood completes a woman. Not any motherhood but motherhood that happens through wedlock is what completes a woman.
Now at the age of thirty if you ask me what completes a woman I would ask you to meet a psychologist because how could you ever have the notion that a woman is incomplete. Hear me loud and clear that “we women were born whole and complete”. Even if we are missing our eyesight or missing our limbs we are complete. It is the society that pollutes our mind and cripples our thoughts.
Now the tricky thing here is our own mothers and aunts are the ones who teach us about our lack of being whole. Why am I discussing this topic now you may ask. Well, a few days earlier I happened to chat with two of my friends who are abroad. I have not met them in person in so long and hence, keeping tabs on each other’s lives have not been easy (you all know my aversion to Facebook by now). To cut things short, during our morning conversation my friend whose career is at an all-time high told me that she feels that she is incomplete because she is divorced and she does not see another relationship or motherhood on the horizon. To say I was surprised would be putting it mildly. Why do we belittle our hard work, achievements, and education just because we do not have a significant other or a kid?
The second phone call which turned into chatting the entire day on Instagram turned out even more eye-opening as my very beautiful friend asked me “do you feel different and like a real woman now that you are a mom?”
Well, the reality is I was always complete but, motherhood expanded me. Motherhood showed me that I am way more capable than what I have given myself credit for. I grew as a person. My son helped me face my demons and push my boundaries. But the underlying truth is I was always complete and motherhood served as an eye opener to my own strength.
The bottom line is whether you are single or divorced or unable to become a mother or do not want to be a mother it is your life and your choice. Do what you really want to do (no don’t murder your boss ya crazies) and not what the society expects you to do.
Have you walked away from a mentally and physically abusive relationship? More power to you woman because you are a survivor and not a victim. Are you 40 and still not married? More power to you woman because you are not settling for someone you are unsure about. You are being true to yourself and others that you have not met your match.
Whatever you are doing and wherever you are from know that you are a whole and complete woman. Do yourself a favor and never stop learning, reading and traveling. Raise your standards and your knowledge. Be the light and shine brightly. Be the embodiment of love and compassion and help pick up those who are falling.
Am I someone who has got it all together? No.
Do I feel insecure at times? Yes.
Do I dwell on my shortcomings and yearn for someone to come and sort my mess? No. I cry, shatter and forgive myself then eventually pick me up to face the day. I have learned the hard way that I can move mountains only if I believe in myself.
We, women, have so much strength and power in us that we can change our world for the better but, why do we choose to believe that our uterus and relationship status defines us?
Let me leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Oprah.
What do you have to say? I would love to hear your experiences and thoughts.